Photo by Last Nights Party
I'm not proud of what I did, but in the moment, I thought it was the right thing to do. For my peen.
I had been standing at the front of the stage with my bro for the past 2 hours. It sorta sucks hanging out with a bro, but I noticed this girl who was all alone. Before the show, we sorta talked and she seemed nice. I thought she was more into my bro, but I wasn't going to let him have a freebie. It was effing on.
She was a nice girl, and we had both come to see the DJ set of the opener, not the headliner. Then she got totally effed up. I believe she took a drug called 'molly.'
During the show, I inched closer to her. I positioned my peen area against her backside, but it wasn't fully erect or anything. It felt good to be close to her. I hadn't been with a girl since my ex broke up with me when I was 13 years old.
Then she continued to raise up against the baracade, and I figured that she needed support because she was clearly on a ton of drugs. Her skin was soft. I cupped her breasts, squeezing her nipples thru her padded bra. She didn't say 'no'... I'm just saying...
Then I started to kiss her neck. It seemed like she was experiencing pleasure, and I ran my hands all over her body. Even towards her vagine, where she had a nice landing strip of pubic hair.
I'm not saying it was right or wrong, but in the moment, at that rave, everything felt like it was the way it was supposed to be. She kissed me once. I felt happy. I could tell that my bro was jealous because I had scored some hot raver poontang, but he had his shot. She liked me. Even if it was just for a 3 hour DJ set, it was one of the most sensual experiences of my life.
After the show, she passed out inside a portapotty, and my mom came to pick up me and my bro. I checked the newspapers the next day, and no one died. I hope she is alright.
I think I love her. I don't think I took advantage of her.
James BB Franco! Is that u!? I hardly recognize u.
If ANYTHING, I'd say that you look like my swag wigger ex who worked at Taco Bell, but also dealt drugs on the side. It was a shame that he eventually lost his job as the manager of Taco Bell because he just coulddn't help himself and just HAD to use the Taco Bell as a drug front. I'd go there every day and eat AT LEAST $20 worth of food. He was a SELFISH ass hole and didn't think of any1 other than himself, which is why he left me.
I CAN'T believe James Franco is a wigger now! I thought he was a HOTTIE INDIE HUNK actor! I want him 2 be happie, though... I hope he gets another shot 2 host the Oscars. He is a RENESSANCE MAN and I believe the fact that he can do anything makes him even HOTTER.
I wanna hit the beach with u, James BB!
Why do I always fall in <3 with swag looking wiggers who are addicted to pain medication drank?
Ryan Gosling who? #TeamJamesFranc!
Photo by the Cobrasnake
A little raver had a super important rave 2 attend.
He went along very well till he came to a MASSIVE CROWD. But then, no matter how hard he tried, he could not move the dense pack of ravers and dubstreamers.
He PUSHED and he PUSHED. He ROLLED and he MOLLIED. He backed and started off again. DUB! WUB!
But no! the little raver could not make it to the front of the crowd. He was stuck in non-VIP, General Admission hell.
The little raver understood that it was time 2 get some help...
"Surely I can find someone to help me crowdsurf 2 the front where I can see my fave EDM DJ playing some tunes," he thought.
Over the hill and up the track went the little raver. Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo! DUB! BASS EFFING DROP! LEGIT SWAG DUBSTEP.
Pretty soon he saw a big raver bro standing in the middle of the crowd. He looked very big and strong. Running alongside, the little raver looked up and said:
"Will you help me over the crowd with my tiny raver body? I love this music just as much as any1 else."
The big raver looked down at the little raver. The he said:
"Don't you see that I am rolling my balls off and trying to make out with this bitch dressed up as a fucking Sesame Street character? I'm seriously frying here, trying to make MY way to the front. No, I cannot help you,"
The little raver was sorry, but he went on, Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo! DUB! WOMP! WOOOMP!
Soon he came to a second raver hottie broad wearing basically nothing. He was puffing and puffing, as if he were tired.
"That raver whore may help me," thought the little raver. He ran up to her and asked:
"Will you help me get to the front of this relevant show? There are so many ppl who are so tall, that I can't get over there."
The raver whore answered:
"I have been here since 3 pm, dancing my ass off, and I am really dehyrdrated, basically about to die. Don't you see how tired I am? Can't you get some other raver to help you this time?
"I'll try to do this shit myself," said the little raver, and off he went. Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo! DUB WUB DUB WOMP BOOM BASS DROP.
Eventually, the little raver took matters into his own hands. He climbed up some raver's backpack, and had some guy who was on tons of drugs push him above the crowd.
Puff, puff! Chug, choo! Off he started! He began to float above the crowd to the front
Slowly the lil raver began to move. Slowly he climbed to the front of the crowd. As he climbed, the littler raver began to sing:
"I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I think I can - I think I can - I think I can I think I can--"
And he did! Very soon he was making his way towards the front-stage relevant VIP area loft with free access to unlimited Grey Goose alcohol, cranb juice, soda, OJ, and diet Red Bull.
Now he was at the front, and the little steam engine could make eye contact with his favourite DJ.
The DJ played, and throughout the whole set, the Little Raver who could continued 2 sing:
"I-thought-I-could! I-thought-I-could! I-thought-I-could! I-thought-I-could! I thought i could - I thought I could - I thought I could - I thought I could - I thought I could - I thought I could I thought I could --"
RAVE HAS NO SIZE.
EDM IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY COMMUNITY.
NEVER GIVE UP.
Pitchfork does feature interview on Skrillex. Has he 'crossed over' 2 indie audiences after being ostracized?By Carles on 28 Mar 2012
Up until today, Pitchfork has taken an anti-Skrillex and anti-American dubstep stance. In the early days, they supported James Blake's minimal bass version of dubstep, but then his buzz sorta died. Now, Skrillex has 'taken over' the modern American music zeitgeist, managing 2 appeal 2 mnstrm vibes AND moderately alt vibes. There's been a whole wave of old ass indie journalists doing dumb 'pieces' where they 'went to a Skrillex show', 'felt old', then 'gave Skrillex his due' for recapturing the authentic essence of music, even though it clashes with the old live-music-experience paradigm that is basically just 'white dudes with guitars, now with a few more bleep bloops.'
Anyways, he was 'featured' in a Pitchfork interview, so u have 2 wonder if P4k is going to start 2 'bail' on fringe/fake buzzbands, and instead focus on dubstep, music that ravers listen 2, and everything else that cool dad, white, indie NPR listeners are not really used 2. In a way, u have to say that Pitchfork is moderately responsible for the memefication of Skrillex into some 'joke meme', just the face of a rave scene for people who wanted to do molly and dress in small clothes, disregarding his art over the course of his rise to post-relevancy, Grammy wins, and mainstream fame.
Pitchfork: Do you have any theories about why you've been singled out as somebody that people hate?
SM: If you try to understand, that's diving in and reading what people say about you, and you can't do that because, fuck man, it's strange. It causes a stigma. For a long time, I was so oblivious to it because I play these shows and everyone's having a great time. I remember doing my first big Skrillex interview, where I talked with the writer for hours. We touched on everything. And then they chopped it down to a one-minute thing with the headline: "Skrillex Talks Back to the Haters" and it got like a million views. They made it look like I was just defending myself the whole time. It's strange because, before someone has a chance to have their own opinion about you, they already have an opinion about you. That's the thing about press and media, it's out of your control.
It's a shame. People are like, "Oh, I heard about him, he's the crazy dubstep guy," and they listen expecting that. But if you take a step back from the different connotations and you observe things for what they are... there are a lot of artists that might be misunderstood. If anything, I just want people to actually have their own opinions about me. I don't care if people hate me. I mean, I get it. When you were young, you were like, "The Backstreet Boys are gay!" And kids are on computers now. I'll post something on Facebook, and then, within two seconds, there are comments: "Fuck you dude... you suck... pussy... bitch... faggot... you ruined dubstep... emo." But if you look at their profiles, they're so young. To everyone else on the street, there's this really elitist, big group of haters everywhere. But fine. No offense to young kids.
To me, it's all about making music and playing shows. I think it's healthy to talk about why something is better or worse, but everything's connected with that, too. Like, I see someone take a photo of me and they [start typing on their cellphone] and they're putting it on Twitter and Facebook, and it's tagged "Skrillex," and now there are more people talking about me right away. It creates this discussion about so many things, but I guess that's just how it is.
Why didn't Skrillex initially appeal 2 Pitchforkian NPR markets? Is it just a matter of a new generation of 'young people' getting into something new that 'old people' can't call their own?
Has P4k 'caved' 2 the fame and success of Skrillex?
Does this mean random ass Brooklyn buzzbands are in danger of no longer being covered?
Is EDM 'taking over the world'?
Has Skrillex + America 'prevailed'?
Has Skrillex been 'ostracized' unfairly from the white man's indie scene?
Will Skrillex get a 10.0 from P4k?
Are they just being nice to him because he has a song with Kanye West coming out in the immediate future?
Is EDM 'kicking out' indie music?
Is 'indie' over/a dead dream?
Was Skrillex discriminated against?
R u going to listen to EDM so that you are no longer forced to listen to NPR and boring stuff like Bon Iver?
Has Skrillex 'grown on u' after unfair ostracizing him based on internet meme hatred?
Did 'indie music' get boring and overhyped anyways?
Is indie music 'too honky'?
Is Skrillex OFFICIALLY the Prince of Dubstep?
Is Skrillex the current sound of America + rocknroll?
I guess Skrilly was right... rocknroll will take us 2 the mntn top...
Grimes is currently the muse of the entire indiesphere. EVERYONE wants to know everything about her, and she is being propelled to SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS when it comes to alt fame. She recently sat down with Nardwuar, one of the most famous interviewista-wave journalists of our time. His gimmick is 'doing tons of Google research' about the artists, then finding 'gifts' for them, then you get to see their faces light up in delight as they are like 'OMG a gift', but also, 'OMG! some1 actually did research abt me, my scene, and my upbringing, asking me moderately insightful questions as compared to the standard wikipedia-researched interviews that most artists have to endure.'
1. She sometimes has a band, but they get angry at her due to 'failed romance.' You have to assume that Claire is a free-spirited BB who EVERY BRO wants to 'connect with', then she is 'too free spirited' 2 be held down by 1 bro, even if he is in the band.
2. Her mother's name is Sandy Garossino, an independent woman who ran for Vancouver City Council. Her website is located at: http://votesandy.ca/.
While Grimes is an independent musician, her mother is an independent politicion. Can u see where Grimes gets her good looks + independent spirit?
3. Grimes had crazy hermit grandparents who were afraid of the apocalypse, living on a remote piece of land in fear of the world ending and every1 having to fend for themselves. At the age of 8, Grimes learned how to shoot a gun. Boucher decided to stop talking about her grandparents, but seemed to insinuate that they had weapons of mass destruction OR some sort of ILLEGAL/dangerous weapons. Grimes enjoys shooting guns.
R u GA-Ga 4 Grimes?
IS she the most interesting BB in indie?
Would u take her vibes over some 'dummie' like Best Coast's vibes any day?
Do u wish u could be 'interesting' enough 4 her?
Is Grimes the #1 alt diva in indie right now?
R u going to Follow Sandy Garossino on Twitter, and/or help her utilize voter fraud strategies to win her election in the City of Vancouver?
Did Nardwuar 'kill it' in this interview?
Or do u prefer when he interviews packs of 'hardcore niggaz' because there is a funnier vibe between a white bro and a pack of hardcore niggas?
Music festivals aren't actually a showcase of bands and culture [via music], they are really just places where people are allowed to get 'effed up' beyond imaginable limits. While this might be a health and safety hazard to local communities, it is a WIN-WIN situation for the internet because we are blessed with sweet, beautiful internet content, like this broad trying to have sex with a tree. It seems like it isn't just a sexual relationship with the tree, where she is passionately making out with it. Instead, it is a deep love affair that has its ups and downs.
UNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF CONVO BETWEEN THE TREE AND THE BROAD:
Girl: I love you.
Tree: I am a tree.
Girl: I am on lots of drugs. I feel everything.
Tree: Just being a tree, u rollin' ass bitch
Girl: I want to feel ur branch cock inside of me
Tree: That'd be chill.
Girl: I want to have an orgasm on #molly
Tree: I'm just vibin
Girl: Plz cum inside of me so I can have ur tree baby
Tree: We'll give it a shot, bb!
This BONUS ANGLE features sweet as BRO commentary. At around the halfway point of this video, she seems to 'get in a fight with the tree', slapping it in anger. Then she decides she loves the tree 2 much 2 let it go.
Do u <3 trees?
Have u ever done tons of drugs, then wanted to make out with a tree?
HAve u ever had sex with a tree?
Do u <3 'effed up' people?
Did u enjoy the circle of onlookers filming this broad?
Do u feel bad 4 her?
Was she 'molly-shamed'?
Is ULTRA / WMC a safety hazard?
Do u <3 viral memes at music festivals?
Remember the drunk guy vs. flip flop bro?
Do u wish more hot broads would have sex with trees?
Octomom BB! How did u lose all that BABY WEIGHT, especially after u carried 8 children!
Ur womb must LITERALLY be the most fertile place on the planet. Hell, by the time I get a serious boyfriend, I know that my ovaries will be DRIED UP. And even after I have a child, I'll probably RETAIN all of the weight. UGH. I already have enough lbs on me, and i can't imagine the stress on a family when ur hubby wants u 2 drop all the weight. :-(
Ur body is SRSLY BANGING!
I think this pose is SEXIE!
I wanna go shopping with u! Maybe we can go to Mervyn's, Marshall's, or Kohl's to find some of today's HOTTEST fashions!
Maybe we can hit the gym sometime? I'm REALLY good with kids, too. I'd be HAPPY to babysit them, especially because my job fired me after my creepy ex came by and stole a bunch of Office Supplies for drug money. #emberressing
I hope u have even MORE babies, bb! Jon and Kate Plus 8 who? #TeamOctomom4evr!
How r u?
No... 4 realsies tho... How've u been?
We haven't TALKED much recently, so I just wanted to know what's been going on with u... Last time we talked u were going thru some shit, so I just wanted to see how it all turned out, and see if ur happy now.
U know, I've always liked u. I've always thought u were special... That's why I really want 2 know: HOW R U? I mean it when I'm asking, so I'd like a real answer. I believe that your feelings are REAL, and I VALIDATE them--they aren't just the feelings of some random person who I don't even care abt.
4 Realsies though... How've u been?
How's ur family?
R u still friends with __________?
Do u still talk 2 ur ex?
What've u been up to in ur spare time? Still working at that job? Still hang out with our old mutual acquaintance?
I understand. Things change.
No, 4 real tho... How've u been?
How's ur career / education going? That seems like a reasonable life plan. I am very proud of you for what you have achieved. You are so special, smart, and awesome, and I know you're going to be one of the best at what u do.
But lk how R U? Like just be honest and tell me how u r 4 real... Is everything really alright? R u really happy? I really want to talk about this with u because I feel like we mean it 4 real.
We need 2 catch up more often. I wanna know how u r every day. Every moment. Every minute... Just tell me how u r, bb...
I feel like we really 'get' one another, so when we tell 1 another how we r, we RLLY mean it, and we REALLY understand where the other 1 is coming from.
How r u?
How r u?
Madonna BB! Ur the queen! Not just of pop, but of having a BANGIN BOD!
I really need to take up some Eastern techniques and get a BOD like urs. I am emberresed to do yoga because I don't want people laughing at me when I can't hold a pose. :-( But if it gets me a bod like urs, maybe it is worth it...
I couldn't help but notice that u started to wear socks / arm sleeves over your arms... What's the deal with that, bb? It seems like u must get rlly hot under there... I know that when I wear long sleeves, my pits get SWEATY, and I smell like B.O. :-(
R u hiding your STRONG, BUFF arms, Madonna bb?
Ur kinda like an ALIEN specimen! Ur superhuman. Ur almost 70 years old, but u still have a BANGIN BOD. There's NOTHING to be ashamed of, bb!
Even at the Super Bowl u wore arm sleeves...
But u showed off the GUN SHOW when u announced ur performance...
U kinda remind me of me ASS HOLE EX BF who played TONS of basketball. He said he had to wear a sleeve to stay warm and not pull any muscles to avoid injury.
Madonna has an AMAZING BODY, and it DOES NOT MATTER if her arms are 'too big', 'too buff', or 'too strong.' At the end of the day, she is BEAUTFAL and should NOT have to hide her STRONG, MUSCULAR arms underneath American Apparel tube socks! Don't be afraid, Madonna BB! We <3 ur STRONG arms. I wish u would hold me in them...
Truth be told, I'd HIT THE GYM with her ANY DAY.
Does Madonna look good, bb?
Grimes is the hottest BB in the indie scene right now. EVERY one wants to know EVERYTHING about her, from how many times she showers per week, to whether or not she was linked to a school shooting in Ohio. Now it seems like
Photo by Laura June Kirsch
Here is an interview with Pictureplane with a random ass broad in Moscow.
He looks sorta like a hottie hunk... I hope him and Grimey can be happie 2gether 4evr.
Photo by Eric Groom
R u already familiar with Pictureplane?
Is he 'good enough' 4 Grimes?
Do u think they understand 1 another like no1 else can?
Will this be good for Pictureplane's career, riding Grimes' buzz coattails to create a genre 2gether?
Should they 'collab' on a track?
Can they become the new Best Coast and WAVVES?
Are they the #1 electrocrust couple in the entire indie game right now?
R u sad that Claire Boucher is potentially 'taken'? :-(
R u gonna start a 1-man ravewave buzzband to win over the heart of Claire Boucher?
Some people I work with/go to college with/group of friends that I have decided it would be a good idea if we all 'filled out a bracket for the upcoming NCAA Tournament.' We would get together for some of the games, and drink cold ones. It would also give us the opportunity for us to publicly banter on one another's Facebook walls.
I had no idea who the teams were, but for some reason, I felt empowered as I began to fill out the bracket, as if I was going to guess every single one of them correctly. It didn't matter that I hadn't watched a college basketball game all season, I truly believed that I had 'the magic touch' that would some how impact reality. For some reason, I envisioned my friends being impressed with me, and the national media doing a story on how I was the only perfect bracket amongst millions.
That's just 'being a member of Generation Y' fucking with you.
Eventually, the tournament unfolded. A bunch of teams played eachother, and I got some of them right.
I got some of them wrong.
My bracket was 'busted' by an early upset of a high ranking team.
One of the #1 seeds that I picked made it 'all the way.'
I didn't really watch any of the games, and when I did, it seemed like a bunch of young people not knowing what they were doing. Some of the games were slow and boring, "Defensive battles." Others were crazy and hectic, but were equally unenjoyable. It was awkward to have to watch college basketball with random acquaintances as if I 'cared' about buzzer beaters, busted brackets, and random ass old white dudes who 'represented goodness in society' because they coach a group of young black men.
From what I understand, college basketball is just the 'minor league' system to the NBA, and the rest of the athletes drop out after they don't graduate. Nor are they paid for their participation in a multibillion dollar event like "March Madness." Colleges make me depressed because although I paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to attend one, I still find myself unhappy, unfulfilled, unskilled, and unenlightened.
I thought back to the level of empowerment that I felt when I filled out my bracket, thinking that I was some sort of college basketball God. I felt stupid and empty for even getting interested in college basketball. I am not interested in participating in some sort of lame, mainstream cultural event that mainstreamers themselves don't even care about.
I will never partake in March Madness ever again.
I AM THE MARCH MADNESS BRO
Xavier DeRosnay is the lead singer of Justice (aka Jousteece). His band Justice is known for their bloghouse banger hits, but then they took too much time off, released a prog rock record, and by that time EDM had taken off without them and Skrillex basically stole all of their fans.
ANYWAYS, some1 threw Justice a bone because they still wear black leather and have a cross and let them play Ultra. This means that they got to brooodle with relevant alt and mainstream celebs. U have 2 wonder if Xavi is dating Madonna since she is really in2 random ethnic men impregnating her and creating 'halfie' it-girls.
Bon Iver looks pretty swag, too. Just getting EXTRA grabby with Madonna.
Dude, is that Avicii, the bro who wrote the EPIC club anthem "Levels"?
Avicii! LeVeLs, bro... Fuckin' LEVELS!
FUCKIN LEVELS, BRO
I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah
Do u think they all listened to LEVELS?
Are Xavi and Madonna 'dating'?
Does Bon Iver look like a chill ass EDM bro?
Do u <3 Joustice or did they ruin their careers?
Whatever happened 2 the banger?
Did u go 2 #ultra and #kill_it?
Do u evr get a good feeling that u never, never, never, never had before, no no?
u effing KILLED IT at the Grammys
bringing home a trophy 4 the indie genre
and now u CRUSHED IT
at Ultra Music Festival
U effing DROPPED that bass, bro!
Who woulda thunk
A Midwestern man like urself
could capture the heart of the EDM community
and so many ravers from around the world.
What happened at Ultra stays at effing #Ultra.
This video is kind of old, but I felt the need to commit it to public record mainly bc every1 h8s M.I.A. and because it provides some hilarious footage of M.I.A. 'trying to sing' because Madonna wants her on some chorus. Every1 knows how this 'collab turned out' when M.I.A. ruined the Super Bowl, but it is just funny to watch some 'sacred studio moments' before it all went wrong.
As u can see, M.I.A. is acting like a real honky, feeling like she is 'some1 special' in the eyes of a 'real famous person.' U have to feel bad 4 her thinking that she is 'on top of the world', doing a honky dance in the studio with the Queen of Pop... then it was all taken away from her and she was banished.
Do u feel bad 4 M.I.A.?
Does she seem like she is really honkying down?
Are all alt celebs attracted 2 mainstream fame, eventually pandering to mainstream celebs IRL and on Twitter?
Did M.I.A. 'ruin her career'?
Do they 'seem like friends', or is Madonna basically just being a slavemaster?
SWAG BUZZ RAPPERS
Post-Ironic Nostalgic Bros
Local Pedophile bro
My spoiled tween little brother
The AZN guy who runs the dry cleaning store
Wankable Emo Broads
'Talking Heads' who are 'trying to make a point'
Cool Dads who want to 'look young' by dressing like tweens in sk8r brands
Overgrown tweens who live on the internet
Black ass Presidents
BANGIN BOD-ed slutwavers
Dudes who love 2 motorboat Selena Gomez
Dudes who use steroids
The local 'scene' guy
Decision-wave basketball teams
Homeless mothers and their children 2 protect themselves from 'the elements'
Black ppl who like Star Trek
High School teacher who wants to 'inspire' you by teaching you 'real world' lessons and not just 'going by the book'
Bros who are trying to get their peens hard, but just tugging on a soft peen
The Paramore broad
Spoiled toddlers whose parents care 2 much about their fashion
The single 40 year old woman who lives next door that I lost my virginity to when I was 13, then banged her again when I was in college
Asian Linsanity ass bros
Girls who love cock and drugs
Am Appy Blipsters
Rich ass white honkies who invented websites
Ppl who wear shit that was airbrushed at the mall
'Cool Christians' who go 2 'cool church' where they play Lifehouse-wave alt rock
Coach Bill Bellychecks
Big Tittied AZNs
White Am Appy Models
Black ppl who went to African American Colleges
Fantasy emo creatures
Sexual assault suspects
Plz SHARE, LIKE, and RETWEET this post so that Unchill honkies who live in gated communities will stop shooting ppl who wear hoodies.
Do u feel like ur in danger when u wear a hoodie?
Are dark ppl who wear hoodies 'asking 4 it' [via Geraldo]?
Should America 'ban' hoodies?
Are hoodies 4 tweens or thugs?
Who is the hoodiest hoodie prsn in the entire world?
Things are going SICKLY on tour, niggaaaaasssss. Me and Tyler just pulled the DOPEST prank off on Earl Sweatshirt! That nigga is wack, but what can I say, it's super fun to be the Merch manager on an Odd Future tour. I've basicall been getting a BEEJ in every city that we've stopped in. Shit is STRAIGHT DOPE.
I've been getting MAD PUSSIE, filming it GIRLS GONE WILD STYLE. So many of Odd Future's fans are white, and they don't really want to make out with any of the black members, so I'm just here REEMING in this PREMIUM PUSSIE. Don't get me wrong, tons of our fans are wigger skaters, but every now and then I'm the one who gets to conquer that white pussy.
After feeling these tittays, I understand what SWAG really means!
Anyways, I'm gonna go order a Supreme pizza, yall!
Smell ya Later! -The Lucasnator!
Justin Bieber is AMAZING! He is the MOST famous boy on the planet, and is BECOMING A MAN right before our eyes.
I love love LOVE his new song "Boyfriend"! HE sounds JUST like Justin Timberlake... Both of them are the SWAGGEST white people on the planet! I hope that the Beebz turns into an Academy Award winning actor, too!
I am S0 s0 #jeally of Selena Gomez for getting to d8 u! She's lucky to have u, but ALSO lucky because of her DEVELOPED, amazing BOD! I'll bet u MOTORBOAT the EFF out of those cha-chas... but at the same time... u <3 her. I remember my ex used to motorboat me, but then I got all of these sores under the folds of my breasts, and it was really painful and annoying.
He LOOKS like a swag tween bro, but also SOUNDS like a swag wigger! Honestly, that makes me sad though because it reminds me of my ex before he was convicted of stealing vintage Honda Accords to be stripped at chop shops. :-(
Timberlake who? #teamBieber4evr!
I LOVE this song and it is OFFICIALLY my NEW JAM!
What if I told you that Lana Del Rey was just like you and me: she went shopping at alternative retailers to buy clothes that would fall apart within 2 months? Well, she is, which is why Lana Del Rey was spotted shopping at Urban Outfitters. According to this EXCLUSIVE HISPTER RUNOFF FAN REPORT + STALKER PHOTO:
Vassup lil carles? I was at urban outfitters in Soho today and I saw the bb Lana shopping with this guy. They were touching on each other... What would Marilyn say!?
What do u think LDR is buying?
Some wacky t-shirts with bullshit on them?
Some dumb blog-to-books?
'Entry level alt whore' outfits?
Maybe Lana Del Rey is trying 2 be alt again?
Who is the mystery man that she is canoodling with?
Is Lana Del Rey dating Marilyn Manson?
Does LDR at Urby make u want to shop there more or less?
Does LDR look good, bb?
Every one has been on pins and needles, waiting for the latest, newest Best Coast song to see how she has evolved as a musician, songwriter, and personal brand. It seems like she is really trying to go 'next lev' on this album cycle, releasing a clothing line and probably getting more famous people to be in her videos so they have an MTV-tween cross over appeal.
This is her new song "The Only Place."
It sorta sounds like 'cleaned up' Best Coast, except she is still singing about the beach, having fun, and California. We get it, Bethers, the only place u want to live is California... I guess maybe she 'evolved' because there is no mention of cats and dank. All artists should strive to have a formulaic brand, but does this song sorta sound like a parody of a Best Coast song, except it is kind a 'cleaned up' [via mainstream studio record deal]?
I sorta miss her fuzzy buzzy beginnings.... Maybe she is 'over' that era when all the blogs <3ed her.
Do u <3 or h8 the new Best Coast song?
Is Bethany 'too cleaned up'?
Will the female tween Hello Giggles/Rookie Mag market think that this is 'kewl'?
Can she become a tween female icon?
Has Grimes stolen her place in the buzzosphere?
Why does every1 backlash against Bethany?
What do u think p4k will give this album?
Is Best Coast 'effed' if this is the best song on their album?
Every one knows that the Arcade Fire have tried to be the band that is single-handedly trying to save Haiti with their indie/alt vibes. But what if I told you that one man was tired of seeing the inaction of the Arcade Fire, deciding to save Haiti himself?
His name is Jared Leto, the Most Alternative Man Alive.
Jared Leto is the most alt man alive, and there's really nothing he can't do. He's sorta like the Alt version of Chuck Norris. He's so alt he can fly. He's so alt that he will never die. He's so alt that he can save Haiti by himself just by going there and filming a documentary and taking some pictures.
▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲Did u hear that?▲▲▲▲▲▲▲
▲▲▲▲Haiti was just saved, yall! ▲▲▲▲▲▲▲
▲▲▲▲And all it took was Jared Leto.▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲
▲▲I am the Letbro.▲▲▲▲
Were the Arcade Fire 'half-assing' their philanthropy mission?
Who is doing more 2 save Haiti?
Is every1 helping, or did the Arcade Fire just do it to minimize their mainstream backlash?
Do u <3 Jared Leto?
Does he seem 'deep'?
Do u think▲▲Jared Leto▲▲ 'saved' Haiti?
Mad Men is a celebration of white ass white people for the modern iteration of white ass white people. It is a simple show where white people can pretend that they would have been rich if they lived in the 1960s because they would have been so much more self-aware than the other simpleton honkies.
Some how, 'high-end' television has turned into a celebration of honkydom, where honkies can watch honkies doing honky ass things. It doesn't matter if said honkies are living in the 1960s or the 2000s--honkies find comfort in watching honkydom from any era. To most honkies, watching the evolution of honkies into a honky super-intellectual race is something that honkies can't get enough of.
The worst thing about honkies is that they love celebrating 'culture' when 'culture' is actually just the idea that honkies run the world. That's partially why the blogosphere has been so successful: honkies patting themselves on the back about a high-end honky worldview that is perpetuated by honky ass college grads who write things on the internet as if they matter. Honkies love 'recapping' honky ass TV shows, writing about dumb, honky tv shows like the entire honky race is on the line.
Some say that 'podcasting' is the ultimate honky artform.
An entire industry has been built out of creating strategically dramatic shows for predictable honkies who perceive themselves as 'consuming culture' in its highest form. In reality, Mad Men is the Lana Del Rey of television shows. It slipped in 'under the mnstrm radar', appealing to indie honkies and tastemakers before it went totally mainstream. However, high-end honkies still believe that Mad Men is a cultural institution because honkies don't know how to turn on high-end honky art, even when it is really boring.
Mad Men is successful because it taps into the societal truism that all honkies want to be 'hate fucked.' Sex is no longer a pleasurable, sensual experience because of the pressures of modern society. Instead, all honky women just want to be 'choked out' and have their 'daddy' 'give it to them' like 'the lil sluts that they are.' Honkies watch so much pornography that the only way they can 'get off' is by having aggressive honky hate sex.
All of the characters in Mad Men are just a bunch of insecure honky archetypes for high-end honkies to 'relate to', because honkies don't realize that they are 'just honkies,' not some sort of super-race of hyperintellectual people that define culture and can only be represented by metaphors in trying-2-hard- tv shows.
Don Draper is just an alpha-honky who is easy to insert into a honky hate-sex fantasy. This is the cornerstone of Mad Men's honky appeal to the high-end honkies.
Is Mad Men just 4 high-end honkies?
Are honkies ruining culture?
Do u h8 honky ass shit that honkies overcelebrate?
Have u found that all honkies just want aggressive hate sex?
Grimes is on the cover of some magazine I've never heard of, shares how many times she showers per weekBy Carles on 26 Mar 2012
The best part about the alt buzz industry is that there are not only tons of fake bands, but there are also fake magazines that no1 has ever heard of. Some how, every1 is able to get paid because they are perpetuating an empty cycle of buzz. Anyways, u gotta give Grimes props for exploiting this buzz circle, and ending up on the cover of some magazine that I've never heard of called DAZED. Maybe it is some sort of random Ukranian magazine, but I think that was Lana Del Rey's magazine cover strategy.
Oh Grimey... Ur EVERYWHERE, bb! I even had a dream abt u last night where we were floating down the Nile River, then we built a DIY pyramid. I felt like I was truly in <3.
More importantly, there is this funny video where we find out that her fave film is 'The Fifth Element', she believes in aliens, and she showers 'between 1-5 times per week.' Claire Boucher believes that we are too clean, and it is unhealthy.
She also h8s zippers and buttons bc they make her feel 2 confined.
Is Grimes going to lead 2 an indie epidemic bc there isn't enough handwashing involved?
Is Grimes the most interesting BB in indie?
Has she 'taken over' the indiesphere?
Is she currently the hottest diva in the indie game?
Do u <3 or h8 her music?
Do u believe that she can do anything she puts her mind 2?
Plz call the HIPSTER RUNOFF HOTLINE with ur question for Carles. You will hear Carles' voice, encouraging you to ask a question. Be prepared to speak your question in2 the phone. Carles will respond 2 ur question on the next podcast if it is audible + relevant + interesting + provides an opportunity for compelling commentary.
The HRO HOTLINE is here for u. Program the number into ur phone.
Call Carles when ur on a long drive.
Call Carles when u need to vent to some1 after a traumatic life experience.
Call Carles when u need to be cheered up.
Call Carles when ur alone, and want 2 feel like there is some1 there.
Your number + identity will remain confidential. This is sort of like a 'teen issues' hotline, except for 'relevant ppl' who just want to 'shoot the shit' or maybe they have 'grown ass problems.'
*Note: Carles is willing to address teen & tween issues.
HIPSTER RUNOFF is here for u.
Let's get vulnerable.
Let's talk abt life, love, loss, buzzbands, indie, 'the scene', career advice, relationship advice, the internet, tweens, society, America, fastfood, & anything relevant 2 modern life.
Call now: (909) BRO-SKI2
aka (909) 276-7542
What r u waiting for?
What r u going 2 ask?
"I wanna be ur broski."
-the HIPSTER RUNOFF hotline
What do u want 2 talk abt?
Lucas Vercetti is widely-known as the white guy in Odd Future. He runs their merch store and is around for the purposes of moral support and ethnic diversity, rolling hard in a predominantly black rap crew. Yesterday, the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF ran a blog post entitled What it's like to be the white guy in Odd Future: The Lucas Vercetti Story.
Hours later, Lucas "The White Kid in Odd Future" took to Twitter to distance himself from the piece, claiming that he did not in fact write it. He wrote, "I have nothing to do with that shit "Hipster Runoff" posted about me. Fuck them." More harsh words for the controversial weblog after feuding with stars like Bon Iver, Lana Del Rey, and Best Coast. Carles continues to make enemies with people who only care abt pleasing the Corrupt Indie Machine. They do NOT care about free speech.
You have to assume that HIPSTER RUNOFF is on 'the bad side' of Odd Future, and especially the only white member of Odd Future.
Why can't we all just buzz along?
Does Odd Future 'hate' Carles?
Is Lucas the #1 member of Odd Future?
Does he seem like a chill bro, or does he only vibe with black crews?
Why do u think he is mad abt the Untold Story of Lucas Vercetti?
Will Odd Future 'take down' Carles + HIPSTER RUNOFF?
You know it's a bad sign when an interview with a chillwave artist starts out with "THIS GUY IS THE CHILLEST EFFING GUY ON THE PLANET." That's my favorite part about SXSW, there's not only a bunch of buzzbands who don't even play good music everywhere, but there's even more 'bullshit journalists' who are half-assing interviews with people they don't know for the sake of generating content to try to keep a job in an industry that is dying, mainly because there's college kids who will do a better job of it, but more importantly be ENTHUSIASTIC about the job without the feeling of angst and entitlement.
Anyways, this interview is pretty funny because it is basically like a Wikipedia skim of the 'Washed Out' wikipedia entry, and then the generic questions that you ask a band that is at SXSW and/or on tour.
#SXSW: The Home of Buzz
It has to be the #1 place where buzzbands are interviewed by people who have 'no effing clue who they are.'
Did this interviewer 'nail it'?
Should they have asked a generic chillwave question, or did the publicist 'wave it off'?
Do u feel bad 4 Ernie?
Do u think Washed Out's "Within and Without" was a flop, was chill, and/or has 'held up over time'?
Do u <3 or h8 interviews with buzzbands?
Do u want a job to 'save' music journalism?
I am still trying to wrap my head around the entire EDM scene. Why is dubstep even more popular than the traditional indie rock that I listen to? It confuses me, but I guess I understand that young people don't want to listen to the same stuff that cool dads listen to. As much as I'd like to convince myself that indie rock is the best music on the planet, I have to be more tolerant when it comes to emerging generational gaps.
I am not young any more. Why do I feel this fraternal instinct for my little bro/sis, not just over their taste in music and cultural perception, but their general health and safety? Raves make me afraid of crowd control issues and drug control issues for the first time in my life.
Truth be told, I'm worried about my younger brother/sister. My parents were never really as 'hands on' as they were with me, so it was probably only a matter of time before the succumbed to some random subculture that involved drugs. Maybe 'being a raver' is the best case scenario so they aren't just some local drug kingpin in my parents' suburban development. However, I have a bad feeling that my little bro regularly hangs at the local drug kingpin's apartment.
But I guess I did the same thing when I was [age 13-20]. Drinking. Drugs. Going on meaningful road trips to music festivals and concerts. Hanging out with the ass-crack of society before I realized they were effing losers. I guess every one just has to grow up on their own, or something.
I can't tell if I should tell my parents that my younger sibling is a raver piece of shit, or if it doesn't even matter, and I should just let the kids have fun. Part of me is just concerned that my little sister is going to die at a rave from dehydration, heat exhaustion, crowd stomping, or go to jail due to a drug bust in a suburban apartment complex.
I'd like to believe that my sibling is 'smarter' than just another raver piece of shit wearing some dumb glow-in-the-dark outfit with an animal hoodie thingy. I'm not even sure if 'molly' is a real drug, or if it is basically a 'drug on training wheels.' Maybe that means it is a gateway drug to something even darker than 'doing drugs for the sake of a heightened social experience.'
When I went home for Thanksgiving, it was hard to listen to dubstep in my little brother's car and understand what the eff he was listening to.
I am worried. We aren't even really that close, but it's just hard to watch something from afar and know better than to get involved, but also not want to get involved, or something. I miss the days when all we cared about was watching TV together, not searching for a place in the subculture that authentically represented us.
Is it just a trend, or will my little bro/sis be a raver 4evr?
Lana Del Rey became a famous American meme when she TANKED on Saturday Night Live. However, since then she's sold over a million copies worldwide since the rest of the world eats up artists like LDR as if they are 'beautiful' or something. She has basically tricked all of the lamestreamers who like Lady Gaga and Adele into thinking that she is a comparable byproduct, because I guess lamestreamers just like to listen to broads singing.
Anyways, LDR went on American Idol and performed 'Video Games.' It's funny to think about how Lana Del Rey 'never had to tour' because she got so internet famous, so she just plays huge TV shows and private VIP banquets/sponsored experiences. It must be nice. Anyways, this performance was terrible and boring, but I guess now she finally knows how to not make it AS terrible and boring by having an orchestra section.
At least she was SHOWING SOME SKIN!
Here is her canoodling with Ryan Seacrest
Was this performance 'effing terrible'?
Did LDR 'kill it' and/or 'nail it'?
Is she b0ring?
Does any1 who ever thought 'Video Games' was beautiful need 2 be removed as a tastemaker?
Is Lana Del Rey officially 'as mainstream as it gets' now that she was on American Idol?
Lana BB! Say it ain't so! Ur canoodling with the PRINCE OF DARKNESS Marilyn Manson!
He's evil, bb! He actually reminds me of my exBF. He was all into being GOTH and DEATH and one time he almost KILLED ME with a satanic ritual! I'm NOT gonna let that happen to my Lana! One time I actually went to prison for a short time because he killed all the cats in our apartment complex to use in a ritual to try to talk to dead people. He was WEIRD, but I had a 1 year lease signed with him and nowhere else to go. :-(
I hope Lana is NOT dating Marilyn Manson!
I DO NOT think he can please u in the bedroom! I don't think he even has a peen, but I guess u could straddle his chest and ride one of his moobs.
UGH! GROSS! But I shouldn't be talking anyways :-(
Lana BB! I need you to get back with your REAL boyfriend, Barrie James O'Neill! He's a dreamy McHotHot!
Luv U Lana! Stay the same! And DO NOT date a goth guy! Trust me!
Lady Gaga who? #TeamLDR4evr
Diplo is known as the DJ imperialist. He'll go to a 3rd world country, jack their beats, then sell them to Beyonce for BLOOD-DIAMOND level money. He has transitioned into one of 'the most famous DJs and producers in the world' with a team of brand managers. However, he will always be 'the guy who dated M.I.A. before she went insane', so he'll always get to give magazines 'soundbits'/blurbs/web_bits about how crazy she is, and how she is totally inauthentic and she thought she was mnstrm because she married a billionaire, but he dumped her.
Anyways, in the latest round of Diplo Vs. M.I.A., he says that she is 'abusive.' I can't tell if that means she was goin 'wild n out', throwing crap around a hotel room in a massive brawl, or if he meant while he was trying to write her songs. He also says that her collab with Madonna was wack, and she used the Super Bowl incident 2 make it seem like she didn't give an eff, but it just made her look stupid anyways.
He's blunt when it comes to M.I.A., too. They broke up, but continued collaborating until the sessions for her last album. "She didn't really know what she was doing," he says. "She was really abusive, telling me I wasn't good enough or fast enough." Discussing M.I.A.'s middle-finger flip at the Super Bowl with Madonna, he says, "It was kind of stupid. I think her being on that Madonna song is kind of lame, and she was trying to make up for that. That song is such a flop."
Nothing we didn't already know.
Just riding some more 'M.I.A. is crazy and used to date Diplo' pageviews, standard blogging procedure.
Do u h8 M.I.A.?
Should Diplo 'get her blacklisted' from the industry?
Should M.I.A. 'be deported'?
Is M.I.A. crazie and abusive?
R u scared of her?
Is America scared of her [via her being a terrorist]?